Google search: how to feel grateful that you didn’t die that last time you tried to kill yourself.

How to feel like you
didn’t belong in the ground;
how to feel like you deserved
to survive when so many other people
are living lives so much worse
than anything your eyes have
ever seen. How to stop
feeling like a fucking loose canon
in the body of a human girl;
ready to blow        ready to blow        at any second      any         second now.

Google search: how many pills can I take to come close enough to death that people will finally start paying attention?

How many pills to kill the            demons
without killing        myself        too?
How many pills to lay comatose
in a hospital without losing
your           life           completely?
How many pills should I take
to have people care more than
just a week after           ingesting          poison
that I am still alive?

Google search: how to get attention without destroying your own body.

I don’t know how to ask
for help without            slicing          my           stomach
in half and handing my intestines to
the people I want to pay attention
to            my         heartache.
I don’t know how to verbalize my
       sickening          sorrow           when
I don’t know if anyone will respond
with love and reason and                   empathy.
How do I get people to show me
that they love me without needing to
douse myself in               gasoline       and       light
a match;        how do I get them to
care       for my well-being
before I am on                       fire?

Google search: how to be grateful for surviving a suicide attempt.

* Overall, a recent review of 177 research studies around the world found that 4% of people who survived intentionally hurting or poisoning themselves went on to die by suicide within 10 years.

Google search: how do I become part of the 96% who survived this?
Google search: how do I stop wanting to die and become grateful for being alive?